Jeremy thinks I'm Silly!

It is no secret that I am counting down the seconds until my due date that will inevitably pass before I have this little tyke. I keep hoping and planning what I will do if I were to spontaneously go into labor. I know it's a pipe dream. As labor and delivery loom near I start to panic. I know it is silly considering I panic every time and it has been a great experience, surrounded by pain of course. I have heard horror stories frequently in the last few weeks and I can't help but think "what if that was me?" A friend who is expecting in May said at her 20 week appointment her baby was measuring the size (at least length) of a 30 week fetus. She said she ripped in three directions with her small 7 pound baby and ended up with something like 175 stitches, HOLY COW! Another friend was pushing for over 2 hours, I DO NOT HAVE THE STAMINA for that! I have been lucky that in that sense too I have had a maximum of 15 minutes of pushing mostly less though. The twins were 10 minutes for both. More recently a friend had an 11lb 3oz baby boy! A few people were prepped for a c-section then able to have their child the "normal" exit way, only after having to freak out that the heart rates of their child had dropped.

In all these cases, while painful, scary, or exhausting, all babies and mamma's were healthy. Why do I fear? The birth process is a miracle and dangerous yet I have heard more good stories and happy endings than the other.

I have only had an epidural with the twins and it was mostly for their safety. It was a pretty simple delivery, no complications, no stitches and virtually pain free, and the actual labor was quick. I didn't like the swelling afterwards or being cold. With this being my last pregnancy I debate whether to get the epidural or not? It's not that I don't get an epidural to be a hero, I kind of feel that the doctors/nurses help to move things along or take me more seriously when I say I need to push. With the twins I couldn't feel anything. In fact the doctor came and checked and said "you're ready, there's a head" I had no idea! I couldn't feel contractions, but I could still control the pushing aspect. I guess that is good. I also don't like the feeling of not being in control of my body and being numb is certainly not being in control. On the other hand when I had Lauren with no pain relief, I almost lost control mentally, I started to freak out. I no longer wanted any part of the birth process, which unfortunately was kind of mandatory. I had made the commitment when we decided to have another baby. There were a few nurses who wouldn't let me give up (just a note Jeremy was on the fence) and within a few minutes my little linebacker GIRL was born.

So maybe I am silly for being worried but I am nonetheless and can't wait for it to be over. The aches and pains have been tolerable through pregnancy but they are getting more difficult, sometimes I think I might cry, but I keep plugging along hoping that the activities that cause the pain such as cleaning, and walking, will help with spontaneous labor. Then the next day I feel the uncomfortable results and wonder if I may not be silly just crazy!

After all is said and done, I just want to hold a healthy little boy really soon, kiss his little forehead, and let him wrap his fist around my finger. It won't be too long before I am wrapped around his little finger! I am sure I won't be alone at least four of his older siblings feel the same way as me. As for Lauren we will see. Then there is Dad, I don't think he can wait too much longer to have two sons to teach and embrace.