Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Just not good enough...

WARNING: This is a RANT post but the end there is a good message!

To say the month of February has been an emotional roller coaster is an understatement. If there is a message that has been sent to me over and over it is that I am not good enough. I am not a good enough mom, a good enough wife, friend, sister, church member, athlete, I am not skinny enough, pretty enough, dynamic enough... I just simply am not good enough. There have been highlights like Valentine's Day, my little twingles turning 6, I have had some successes like moderately good looking cookies, some decent craft projects etc. But I can tear each of those apart. The crafting is probably my saving grace, it is the thing that I feel I have value. Then in looking into my calling I came across a talk by Sister Julie B. Beck.  She talks about prioritizing.  She talks of the necessities like reading the scriptures, prayer, those things that are necessary for you to return to live with Heavenly Father.  Then she talks of the needs, like eating, sleeping and much to my dismay cleaning.  I would have scoffed at the last but she said something along the lines of your home is like your temple everyday, if it is dirty and chaotic, how can you feel the spirit?  Which hit home, I look around and there are piles everywhere, and it puts me in a terrible mood, I can't think and I don't want to deal with any of it!  Then she talked about my favorite, the portion where I spend about 95% of my time.  The "Fun-To-Do" part.  They are good things, but not when they take up your time, and replace the things that are on the other two lists.  It is the part that I hang on to the most because it is what I want to be, it is where life focuses on me!

So as I was laying in bed this morning, having a pity party for one, not wanting to get up for the day and cursing just about everybody and everything and repeating my February theme that I am not good enough, I was reminded I am not supposed to be!  I am not supposed to be good enough, I am supposed to be lacking and I am supposed to turn to our Savior to make up where I lack.  It is only through him that I can ever truly be good enough at anything.  In all honestly it is not comforting, but I know that it is OK to not be good enough as long as I am leaning on the Savior.  I have so much to work on when it comes to priorities. As weird as it sounds I also know that when I take are of the first two categories I will have plenty of time to do the things in the last category.

I was reminded of this verse found in Matthew Chapter 11
28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Life is all about learning, growing and reshaping, it is not always perfect, but I do know it is worth it and that is what I tell myself on those days when I want to climb in a hole and never come out.  I am thankful for those around me that love me despite my imperfections or maybe because of them.  I am thankful for a Savior who is willing to put in the .99 cents when all I have is a penny to make that dollar.  What a perfect plan.

P.S. My theme song for February "I'm Trying to be like Jesus" was the practice hymn in Relief Society on Sunday, at a moment when I was in a particularly bad mood!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Happy Love Day!

Jeremy and I spent a fabulous night away last month in an early celebration of Valentine's Day. So yesterday we focused our love on the family. We had a great potluck at the church. There were over 30 kids on bikes, scooters and other various items with wheels, including two Plasma Cars
Had I got it together in time we would have had a Mom vs. Mom race, but I was too late in processing that idea.  I look forward to next time.

We came home and I started our dinner.  The two things that mean the most to Jeremy are a clean house and dinner ready on the table when he gets home at 6:00 (or 6:15...maybe 6:30).  The main reason is that if this is done he gets to actually spend time with the kids which doesn't involve him getting on the kids to clean, and if dinner is at 7:00 there is no family fun time, just dinner pajamas, scriptures and good night.

So that was my goal, of which I didn't REALLY achieve any but I was OH so close.  On our menu was heart shaped raviolis with homemade pink Alfredo sauce, broccoli and cheese casserole, home made dinner rolls and a cottage cheese and Jell-o salad.  For dessert I made caramel popcorn then covered it in chocolate.  It was pretty much DELICIOUS!

We used the fancy dishes, fancy goblets and even some fresh flowers from our neighbor's garden.  The kids really felt special using the "grown-up" dishes.  We ended the night with family night, scripture study and the meanest gift ever!  We gave the kids each a box of See's candy, then made them give it back unopened so they could go to bed.  Isn't being a parent delightful?

As we were sitting eating dinner I couldn't help but feel so blessed and loved.  I looked across the table and my heart was full of gratitude, without the man at the other end this would not be possible.  I love you Jeremy, not because the calendar tells me that I have to but because you have given me an awesome life everyday of the year!

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

To List Follow-up

Here are the results of my To-Do list:
1: Get off the computer:  (Please note, cleaning off the computer desk was NOT on my to do list!)
 2, 4, 6, 10: Do dishes, I did not take a picture every time, but trust me when I say I did a TON of dishes yesterday...and I didn't even cook dinner!)
 3: I did bake over 12 dozen sugar cookies that I will frost tonight after the kids go to bed.
 Unfortunately I got a little sidetracked with one batch and they got a little too crispy, I guess "that's the way the cookie crumbles!" name that movie!
 4:  This is Miranda scooping the 3rd batch of cookies.  She did make all the dough, and I cleaned up all the dishes.  The cookies and write-up is complete.  I will carry over the poster board completion for today's to-do list!
 7:  The dessert for Logan was using Vanilla wafers and some dark chocolate and mint chocolate chips.  We melted the chocolate chips and dipped the wafers in them.  They were like home made grasshoppers or Girl Scout Thin Mints.  Delicious.  This showed resourcefulness "because we melted chocolate and dipped the vanilla wafers" according to Logan.

8:  As for the centerpiece showing resourcefulness, we were told to use something that they made.  Well Logan loves putting together Legos so we brought one of his Lego Ships.  It was from a kit, but he has made some pretty fabulous things from his own imagination.  Logan is also a pretty fabulous artist remember this he was 4 when he drew it!

9:  I sewed on one patch and Logan earned another, so I guess it washes and will continue to be on my to-do list!

12:  Jeremy was able to find Logan's scout book, as it turned out we had done it all already and I just needed to sign it off.  Logan now knows the scout motto, theme, sign, what WeBeLOS means, and a few additional things pertaining to scouts.  So here is Logan with his Bobcat patch!  Way to go Logan.  He did his "good turn" before leaving by helping clean up while other kids were playing.  He turned his patch right side up!
16:  The kids did eat lunch and it was actually soup, rolls, fruit, and I think candy.

It was a busy day, I had to count to ten several times to not blow my top, which I did, right before Jeremy walked in the door.  He came home from work an hour early just to help me.  That was an AWESOME surprise!  Then I had to apologize to Logan for loosing patience with him.  I am so grateful he loves me.

All in all it was a good day, and this day is looking good too!

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Today's To Do List

  1. Get off the computer!
  2. Do dishes from last night's birthday party.
  3. Make a mess in the kitchen by baking 11 dozen valentine cookies to frost tomorrow (Who ever thought six kids was a good idea followed by the need to make something homemade for each child to pass out in their classroom?)
  4. Do dishes!
  5. Help Miranda make 4 batches of cookies for her science fair project.
  6. Do Dishes!
  7. Help Logan make a dessert that shows resourcefulness for tonight's Blue and Gold for scouting.
  8. Make a center piece...I mena Logan Make a center piece for above mentioned activity.
  9. Sew Logan's patches on scout shirt for the above mentioned activity.
  10. Do Dishes!
  11. Help Miranda with her Science fair display board (due Wednesday for display on Thursday!)
  12. Find Logan's scout book so I can work with  Logan on the Bobcat path.
  13. Learn what it actually means to finish the Bobcat path.
  14. Make a Huge list for tomorrow as I plan for the school carnival meeting on Thursday.
  15. Make lists for grocery shopping.
  16. Feed some kids...chocolate chips and marshmallows?
  17. Sleep..nah!  Maybe I will put that on tomorrow's list!

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