Monday, April 30, 2012

The week from...

Well it wasn't that bad but I will not be requesting a repeat that is for sure.  All week I wanted to write an emotional dump post.  Half way through the week I finally realized that I don't know how to emotionally deal with the change with Lauren.  I realized I was so busy with the other commitments that I was living in a fog and pushing the emotional aspect in a closet.  Truly I was in survival mode and exhausted at that.  The things I had to get accomplished last week were: binding a class auction quilt, a baby gift basket including a car seat tent, diaper wipes clutch, and flannel burp cloths.  There was classroom volunteering to do, a Girl's Camp kick-off meeting, I helped with another class auction item, swim team practice, preschool for Jackson (luckily it wasn't my week), Lauren's first Diabetes appointment.  Not to mention making dinners, dishes and Haylie and Hannah's first grade plays, for which I was coordinating last minute details while in the hospital with Lauren on Sunday, lunch on the Green for the kids' school, Mormon Helping Hands was Saturday, teaching my regularly scheduled Sunday School Class and substituting for the Sunbeam class as well...I think that is all I had to do. (A sweet girl that I visit teach had her baby this week and ended up in the ER because her baby's jaundice was so high and I didn't even visit her!)  Those were the things I knew about.  On Friday Haylie performed in her school play and unknowing to us had a 102.8 fever, which Miranda joined in and Saturday and it hasn't let up completely, Jackson has come down with pink eye, and now Lauren got shots today and her arm is sore.

This sold at the auction for $45 to help purchase a computer lab for our school!
The carseat handle goes through the loops!
I go a lot accomplished but I could sometimes feel the light headedness when I started thinking too much.  It is amazing how a simple manageable disease can cause such an emotion.  Mentally I am OK with this I know she will be fine, she has adjusted so well that she didn't even cry when she got her last 4 immuization shots for Kindergarten.  She is happy to have diabetes with Jackson and he is happy to share it with her.

With the diabetes we have decided it would be too much to ask anyone to watch our kids while both Jeremy and I went to Girl's Camp.  So Jeremy had to ask them to reconsider having him go to which they fully agreed.  It was hard for him, he felt that he was letting some one down, but had no doubt that he needs to be at close to home.  Jeremy will be able to work but be home to give shots and calculate carbs.  Bev, Jer's Mom will be with the kids while he is at work.

We have been so blessed with supportive friends and family.  I cannot explain how fortunate I feel to be surrounded by so many people who love me and my family.  There is never a doubt we will be taken care of always.

One of the questions that I get asked a lot is "How are you doing?" Very few people get a response from me with tears in my eyes, but a few have seen it.  My response is typically "Good."  I mean honestly it sucks! but what are we going to do?  It isn't devastating, or terminal it is a weird form of vitamins to make your body work properly.  I always want the dominant emotion in my house to be joy, laughter, peace, comfort.  This is a time that I can make that happen or be sad and angry.  I choose to find the joy in it...I mean I am sure there is some sort of college grant for people with type 1 diabetes right?  I have been able to use some creative juices (aka emotional therapy) to decorate their glucose meter cases so we can tell them apart.  I learned that Lauren only likes "alphabet letters not cursive letters" as she cried herself to sleep because she was not happy with the cursive L.
For some reason I can't rotate it!
I guess the main point is I am doing well be it is an adjustment and sometimes it is harder than others.  If I wasn't so busy last week I may have cried more.  The best way to not feel sorry for yourself is to serve others.  I have learned that I need to love my family more, they are the most important thing to me and I cannot have them ever doubt that they are my first priority and I love them very much.  Each one!


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

...and then there were two!

You know when life gets into a groove and you are feeling comfortable watch out!  This is a sad story with a pretty neat personal experience, one I want remembered by my children.  Four months ago on the 22nd of December we found out Jackson was diabetic.  Exactly four months after that date, on April 22nd...

On Sunday we went to church and things were seemingly normal.  Lauren start asking for water throughout our first meeting.  Then we sent her to class.  When it was time for her to go to her individual sunday school class she fell apart.  With fear of starting a habit, the primary president (Jeremy's mom) brought her to me since she was so upset.  I started talking to her and then she said "Mom, I'm just really thirsty" as alligator size tears poured from her eyes.  We went and got her water and then some more, she was happy and walked back to class.  I returned to my meeting and it hit me with force that she too, is diabetic.  I couldn't help the tears flow as I realized she had been waking up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom for the last few weeks, and even had a tiny accident that morning.  I KNEW it, but was still in shock.  The hardest part was Jeremy was at another building supporting some young men who were leaving on a mission soon.  I couldn't talk to him with my revelation.

On a side note but this is the very cool part.  My lesson was on receiving personal revelation.  When preparing this I thought, this will be a hard lesson as I don't have much experience.  As I read the lesson, I had a few past experiences come to mind.  So the seed was planted, when I received the distinct feeling about Lauren, I knew my Heavenly Father was helping me.

I came home and texted Jeremy.  Still not sure what to do I remembered we had an unused meter from when Jackson was diagnosed (we got a free one sent to us in addition to his own).  I decided I would check her sugar and it read 575.  For Jackson, which still they let run a bit high his range is 150-180 but closer to 100 is ideal.  I called the advice nurse and she said my feelings and concerns are warranted but there could be other reasons for the high number.  It wasn't exactly what I was looking for but it wasn't a definite yep!  Then I collapsed on the floor on the other side of the bed and cried REALLY hard. It didn't hurt as bad as with Jackson and it wasn't because I was angry, but becasue this couldn't be happening right?  Was I strong enough? Could I not freak the kids out?  I got a phone appt. for an hour later with the oncall pediatrician.  When Jer was able to call he didn't say that I was crazy, he said "You know, I had a dream that Lauren was diabetic, but I brushed it off, I am not totally surprised."  We KNEW!  When the doctor called I told her my suspicions, and then threw in about the reading.  She stopped instantly and said you need to take her straight to the ER, this cannot wait until tomorrow."  I called my mother-in-law who came right over to sit with the kids until Jeremy got home.  As I was leaving I told her Jackson had not had lunch yet and she stopped for a minute and said "Oh, that's right" but Jeremy would be home to give the shot so off I went.  On a mother daughter overnight date to "the hostibal that Jackson got didobetes from" as Lauren said when we were walking up.  I did try to clarify that he was diagnosed there, he didn't "get it" from there.

So that is our newest story.  I am so grateful for the revelation from a kind and compassionate Father in Heaven.  There was a peaceful resolve in knowing, even though there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth inside as I was trying to talk myself out of what I knew.  I knew I didn't have to be afraid and I was definitely not angry, but I couldn't help but wonder what I still need to learn that Heavenly Father has given us this extra challenge.

Lauren is taking to it so well and having already seen the transtion with Jackson has made it easier for her.  There are blessings to come from this being so close, but far enough that we are comfortable and confident in our ability to manage diabetes.  Now she at times she really is the sweetest sneaky sneak that ever walked this earth!


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