Friday, May 21, 2010

Friendship, do you have it?

Warning: This post screams how nerdy I am, so feel free to skip it.

In high school I was far from the popular crowd, not really a nerd, nor a band geek, I just was.  People were nice but I never really fit it anywhere.  It bothered me then but now I look back and it is fine but I do hope my kiddos feel like they belong more, nobody likes to feel alone.

I was thinking, hold on to your hats folks, I wonder how many people feel that they don't fit it even as adults.  Do they see someone who seems put together but on the inside they are feeling worthless and friendless?  Have you ever wondered if people just say nice things because they were taught to be nice?  For example when people say "you are amazing, how do you do it all?"  Do you secretly wonder what they see and make you feel even worse because you know how much you are not doing?

There is a song by Taylor Swift Tied Together with a Smile.  Every time I hear it these lyrics stand out:

Hold on baby you're losing it
The water's high you're jumping in to it
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone

I always wonder how many people feel this way, put on a happy face but inside you are falling apart.  I want to be clear I am very happy, I couldn't ask for a better husband, father to our children, best friend, dream job, a home that I love, but their are times when it would be nice to know what people REALLY think of you.  Why does it matter, really it doesn't, but then you would at the very least know what they see.  I found the following quote in a talk given by Marlin K. Jensen
The Prophet Joseph Smith taught that “friendship is one of the grand fundamental principles of ‘Mormonism.’"  That thought ought to inspire and motivate all of us because I feel that friendship is a fundamental need of our world. I think in all of us there is a profound longing for friendship, a deep yearning for the satisfaction and security that close and lasting relationships can give.
It wasn't that long ago that there were a fairly large group of us that got together frequently, it was as couples for dinner or date nights, as wives for crafting, or simply just girl time.  We saw each other close to two times a week outside of church where we actually were in all different callings so we didn't see each other too much there.  I would say there was a definite sense of belonging.  People started to move away, new people moved here and the dynamics have never been the same.  I can't help but wonder if the people who have been in the ward for years feel just as lost as the ones who are moving in and it is just taken for granted that everything is great.  Why does it always have to feel like us verse them?  Who even knew there were exclusive groups?  I guess if you are included you don't see it.

I can't say it is all the fault of some one else because you need to put in 100% if you want anything in return.  Maybe I am putting in 20% and that isn't what creates a good friendship.

Enough whining and moping.  I hope you have a great day and get the opportunity to show that you are a friend today. 


Ranel said...

Really good post and your thoughts align themsleves with mine. I have come to the conclusion we all live in a life bubble and it takes effort join our bubbles with others.

Jesus had to limit how many bubbles he joined with. He selected twelve to personally disciple. But Peter, John, Mary, Martha and Lazerous seem to be the ones He was personal with.

I love that your heart is observing a bigger scope of things. I too view the congregation and am overwhelmed by the needs of people and find that prayer is my only hope for this kind of compassion and where I can not phyiscally meet a challenge.

In the Evengelical church they focus on small cell groups to facilitate bubble joining however not everyone takes advantage of this great opportunity and those require a bit of wooing. Wooing others that God has not brought into my spere is not my gift. Some people have a gift to recognize those who stand by themselves waiting to be noticed.

Anyway just responding to your kindered spirit. Love you Mom

April P. said...

Oh April how I miss you. I just read this for the first time tonight. I think I'm wondering the same here in SD. Do I fit in? Does anyone really like me? It's just as tough being the new girl as it is being the one left behind with new friend dynamics. But, in life comes change unfortunately. We always have to start over again I guess. I am in the stage of starting over too. Putting myself out there, hoping to connect. I do want to make something clear though, you were the glue that brought our group together. If you moved, the whole world would fall apart it seems. You are that important. I too think friendship is so valuable in this journey in life. I am so grateful to be your friend. I value your friendship more than you'll ever know. Come visit me soon :)
~April P.

Teri Rossi said...

April- I have been having the exact same thoughts as you. You just seem to put them in to words better then me! I do value your friendship, I miss us all hanging out too. As kids get older, we just seem to get busier. I would love to set 1 night a week aside for girl time, or 1 night a month.

Danielle said...


I want to tell you what I REALLY think of are amazing in every way. Your care for your husband and your children and home is so encouraging to me. You self-reflect and find ways to better yourself, family life and the dynamics in your home. So many people today fail to self-reflect. They just let the days fly by and I am not sure they fully appreciate what God has given them. Just so you know: I was that girl you speak of. I cried for years because I didn't have that one close friend or a solid social group. I would read your blogs about your get-togethers with other moms and friends and wish I had something like that. Because of you I started my play group a year and a half ago and it just started getting stable (with people who come regularly). Because of you, I joined a group in my church who started craft nights twice a month. I even learned how to sew! Because of you, I started my own family blog and weekly family nights. I am continuously inspired by your blog and get ideas for my growing family which I implement in order to achieve the closest knit family under God that I can have. When I am around you I think to myself that I could only hope to have it so together. Thanks for taking care of my big brother and being such a godly example to me. That is what I REALLY think of you!

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