Sometimes you feel like a nut...

...because you are, I mean I AM. I am not sure if it is hormonal, having 6 kids or what but today was one of those days that patience, kindness and love were qualities I did not readily posses! I was trying to get things done, but as you can see from frequent Facebook comments I spent a whole lotta time little time on the computer. Then it gets to crunch time and I loose all those desirable qualities that a good mother must have! Some of the things I have dealt with today, the twins decided to have a bonding moment by using their carseats to go potty! Granted I was talking and they were strapped in their carseats screaming at me, but how was I supposed to know that they actually were trying to tell me something? While cleaning that up, which for those of you that don't have little ones that means taking apart the carseats, and getting our hand held carpet cleaner, Hayley decided to give Jackson a toy to play with. The toy of choice was the portable powdered formula container. As a proud mother I can tell you that Jackson be nimble, Jackson be quick, He can open it, what a trick! So the creative little genius made formula paste before I realized what was going on. Then for the third time today, yes it is noon, I told the girls to clean their room. Then we had lunch, then we had to get the older two form school. Then came the fourth, then the fifth time I asked them to clean their room. I gave them fifteen minutes to clean up their mess. about 45 minutes later I told them I forgot to set the timer so they will get 15 more minutes. In the meantime, Lauren has figured out the the baby locks are only 85% effective. Her little arms can reach in the gap. One of her favorite things to do is get Daddy's deodorant. She likes to either draw in it or lick it (not sure who I feel more sorry for?!). Today she chose to squirt it with a squirt bottle, then proceed to squirt the toilet, which I found out at the most inopportune time. After that she went about beating up her big brother by hitting him and biting him. So she got sent to her room as well. Meanwhile back in the bedroom: I would have caved had I seen a little bit of progress but there was nothing progressing towards my goal of a clean room. At this point in writing this I realize our goals were on the opposite sides of the spectrum. A communication error must have occurred. For some reason they thought I said make it a BIGGER mess. After the last group of fifteen minutes I told them to get their pajamas on and get in bed. (It's 5 O'clock) We were planning to have grandma Jacobs over for dinner and Family Home Evening. I told the girls they will miss it. Then continuing on with my tirade I slammed the door, after giving them one more chance. I went and did the dishes and finished some prep work, 15 minutes later I came back and one was lying on the floor, another cooking at the play kitchen and the third, playing Barbie. That was it! They went to bed, no more. I told them I would finish the dishes and then they would finish cleaning the room, but still miss out on the evening. As I was sulking, fuming, frustrated, sad, but more mad then sad, I was walking down the hall and what would appear...my temper tantrum knocked a picture of Jesus askew. I righted the picture and a thought came to me "How can I expect the Savior to dwell in our home, how will this home be a refuge for my children, how will my children know I love them just like the Savior loves me?" Then the thought vanishes as I told the girls I would clean up their room for them involving 2 large black trash bags. There were several things on the floor that I picked up with a mocking tone of cheerfulness, such as the blanket Hannah sleeps with, or the shoes that they will need tomorrow as we walk to school in the morning (and it is supposed to be a good storm tonight!) Let me remind you I have a pretty thick skull and nothing short of a sledge hammer can get through it at times. I will proudly admit I cleaned up their room in about 5 minutes, and in about 35 seconds our garage became a disaster!

I continued the evening as planned still pouting and fuming as stated above. We ate a good dinner. Shame was starting to seep over me but at the same time it is too frustrating that they will not just clean up, especially when I KNOW they can do it when the "reward" is good enough. For Family Home Evening we decided to practice some songs that the kids will be singing for our Primary Program at church. We decided to sing "My Eternal Family" the words are:

"I am a builder working each day to build my family

and I will do the best I can to serve them lovingly

I am a builder growing so tall and leaning everyday

To SPEAK with KINDNESS in MY HOME To help at work and play

Chorus

My Heavenly Father sent me here and he knows I can be

Strong and Righteous as I build my eternal family.

I am a builder building a home, I seek the Lord in prayer

And as I try to live God's word I feel the Spirit there.

I am a builder serving the Lord and Following his plan,

To help my family come back home and live with Him again.

Chorus"

The funny or better yet more interesting part was that none of us could remember the line I put in bold above. We were all looking at each other for help and guidance. So I pulled out the lyrics and sure enough it was the sledge hammer I mentioned above. Maybe the first time if I had spoke with kindness, aka been more Christ like in my delivery, it would have only taken one time. I know I could have handled this a little a lot better. As much as I would love to say it was all their fault if only they did clean up their room, if only they didn't make a mess, it boils down to the way I handled it. It is my fault. I could have shown these three precious little imperfect girls that I love them and I failed miserable. I did not speak with kindness, I didn't do a single
thing to build my eternal family, in fact I was tearing it down. Tomorrow I need to apologize and make it right with them, apologize that I yelled and made them feel bad, not that I made them clean their room. I love them, I love their laugh, they way they play pretend, the way they hold hands on the way to and from school, or the hugs they insist on giving each other. Amongst my destructive behavior, they are great kids. It is so true that I have more to learn from them then they have to learn from me.

I am grateful for the sledge hammer I received tonight as well as a very loving Heavenly Father, who despite my weaknesses, which are abundant, he loves me and never looses his patience with me. He is always willing to teach me, and most of the time I am willing to listen!