Thursday, August 05, 2010

She is spirited

Surprise I am talking of Lauren!  We were at Jeremy's work and it was the first time his new boss met the children.  Within a minute, she spotted Lauren and said, which one of these is not like the other? and chuckled.  I am not sure if she has heard of Lauren or simply by her stance that it was obvious.  Maybe I said something like "Kids this is not a playground, they are working and we need to be quiet."  She may have had defiance written all over her face..I don't know what it was that caused the distinction.

Tonight at dinner she said yet again "Mine tummies hurt!" This is her excuse for not eating dinner, her excuse for needing milk, for being hungry, for not being tired.  Her tummy always hurts.  As I was sitting at the table yet again hearing the same line, I was thinking I need to put my foot down and make her eat something so her diet contains more than stolen chocolates, 3 cups of milk and as many go-gurts that were sneakily removed from the fridge.  I can't deny she has good taste...well in the chocolate stealing department anyways.

I was thinking how she has this strong spirit about her that is pretty amazing.  As a parent it drives me bananas.  With Lauren you can not make her do something she doesn't want to do, it is pretty much impossible.  So to bed I sent her.  Then I had to practically man handle her into her pajamas, at times she was laughing and others telling me that she was no longer tired.

After getting her dressed and rolling her in her blanket, I put my arm around her and she started screaming, kicking, karate chopping my throat.  Then she proceeds to scream "bye, bye."  I asked "you want to go bye-bye?" "No" she clarified "You go bye-bye" "Where do you want me to go?"  "Outside!"  With tears in her eyes (like an ocean mind you) and my eyes starting to fill up, I thought of how our Father in Heaven feels about us.  Then I thought what examples in the scriptures teach us how to deal/love/serve a difficult child.  I am sure there are many, but I so badly want her to conform to the mold I already have.  Knowing that is what I want I then feel guilty because all these things that make her difficult, are the reasons that she is special and that I love her.

I hope when she grows up she remembers the times when the movie ended and she got up and danced.  The times when she asks for "fast kisses", or gives us good strong hugs or the laughter that is usually always present in our home.  I hope the moments when she is screaming and yelling at me to go away and I am doing everything in my power to be calm, and reassure her that I love her and I know she is just tired, that she doesn't think that I didn't love her or that I was indifferent to her pain.  I hope she knows when I look into those eyes puffy from crying that my heart hurts too.  I want her to keep that spirit but I also want her to obey.  I guess that is why we have agency...than again she is 3.  I really hope three is easier than two, if not, then I deserve to have her as the easiest teenager/young adult ever!


Handsfullmom said...

Beautifully written. I've had three extra-challenging children and boy, it can be tough some days. You're doing a great job.

Mama J said...

She sounds so similar to Zoe, even down to "My tummy hurts!"

I get so frustrated these days, that I forget to look at the bright side and remember the good times. I need to be more like you and love the fact that she is challenging in different ways. You always have such a positive outlook. Thank you for your example.

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